L'ange damné

I can't get you out of my mind even if I have to. I have to make my brain stop thinking about the "what ifs", the parallel universes and whatnot. You are not a part of my world--I have to make my heart stop longing...

    I don't want to be cursed for falling in love with you. I have toiled for a better ending; I don't want to waste my blood, sweat and tears...I have sacrificed a lot and it has come to a point where there is no more turning back.

    I have to forget the overwhelming loneliness, the warmth that my heart yearns for--everything. I have to make myself believe that I don't deserve to be loved in return; that no one will understand the pain I've gone through, still going through, nor taste the bitter tears that I've wept.

    I can't pretend that I'm ok. Not anymore. I can't act as if I'm strong when deep inside I just want to break down. I just can't...no one will cushion my fall, no one will comfort me, nurse me back to what I once was. The person I no longer am; the self long-buried. Dead.

    Perhaps there are others. Other hearts I could rummage out of the heap of discontent. Other souls worth reaching out to or saving...or maybe I need to be rescued this time? I can't go on masquerading anymore. I'm tired.