le 20 juillet

She dares me to fall deeper. To explore what lies beyond the windows of her soul. Maybe I would, when I already have a parachute to cushion the fall.

            She sees me. I don’t see myself, I mean, not in the way or manner that she does. How does she do it anyway?

            I’m inexperienced as she says. True. I’m lost in a floor that I’ve never been before, and yes, consequences for being lost exist. I didn’t invent them, nor are they alter-shadows. My life would be easier if they weren’t there, but, they’re omnipresent; I can’t run away.

            She meant everything that she said. Where does this leave me now? Stuck in the middle of nowhere; confused.

            She has her past, yes, and it had shaped her, made her into what she is now. It has already been written, I know that, but I still challenge her to rewrite it… a new life or a fresh start.

            She says love cannot be proven. Another truth. No one has discovered the right formula or equation for it yet.

            “I don’t want to lose her” as a friend is a selfish statement of mine. “She won’t lose me” means that in a realistic perspective, there will come a time when she would no longer remember me, yet I would. And that I’ll be the shadow or flaw in her memory and not the other way around.

            She says that she doesn’t want to search or find anymore. That she wants to stay alone for the rest of her life. Does she really want that? Or is she scared to be alone? And who did she find at the wrong time? What made her say that she found the right person? Why is she making a fuss about finding a way? If she was really meant for this person that wouldn’t be necessary. I mean, she would wait until the right time comes when this right person would be there for her. Wishful thinking that rarely happens in real life, except if it was already willed to happen.

            She can show me where the light is. A promise to someone who got used to the dark for a long time that the prospect of leaving the shadows is too scary and daunting; yet, I still would trust her to lead the way, wherever it ends, just to see what happens.