Graphophobia

graph·o·pho·bi·a -- n.

1. The fear of writing.

Fear and anxiety over writing are common emotions felt by even the most prolific writers. Some say that writer's angst is needed for a well written work. Many believe that the creative process of word play requires a good dose of fear.

(Fingers tapping away at the keyboard. White noise of TV blaring out the lines of a film playing on cable. Camera zooms in. The figure stops typing, turns to the left and faces the camera.)

For someone who writes for a living, I'm going to let you in on a little secret...(in a whisper) I'M SCARED OF WRITING. Why? Because everything that I've poured my heart into or ruminated deeply upon comes true. Rubbish? Fact.

Sure I can't make mermaids appear magically out of the toilet bowl or let ogres pound the front door until you let them in...come to think of it, I haven't gotten myself to think about these creatures hard enough to let them pop out or breathe life into them. My writing power is of a different kind: I can make people disappear.

I once wrote about a boy, who had deep-brown eyes, with Russian-like features but it never worked out and so I was left into the shadows for a couple of years--I had become the wallflower that I had penned down so many summers ago.

Then there was another guy with whom I had spent my after office hours while he spent his first waking hours chatting with me for almost two hours everyday (until he had to prepare for work and I had to go home). One time, I had written an essay about how he's so unreachable like the moon and how we have the same penchant for the night...we were like mirror-images peering at each other; this scared me deep-down. Gut-feel told me that I couldn't be with him and sure enough, as soon as I wrote the essay, he had a girlfriend.

This time around, I am petrified to write another line, lest I lose someone again.

(The figure resumes typing as the camera zooms out. Fade out.)