I am humbled. The chance to be able to reach out to polar extremes is rare. Before this year even started, an exclusive interview with the highest ambassador entailed visiting him at his residence. Warmly-welcomed, his wife went out of her way to make my entire team be at ease. It was a most unlikely shoot, but they were more than happy to accommodate. Afterwards, the ambassador spoke about how he could further help my countrymen down south. Those who were gravely affected by the massive storm. At that point, it felt that their relief efforts aren't just about establishing closer ties with my government, it was about reaching out in the gut-level. There was more to diplomacy than a mere doling out of relief or financial aid. Our conversation inspired me all the more to focus and aim for a long-shelved dream, which I hope will finally happen this year.
And the pendulum swings.
The beginning of the new year had catapulted me to doubt whether I should leave my job--it was if my officemates were heeding a migratory call to evacuate the building. That morning seemed like another morning when I decided to just frack it and fix whatever bureaucratic filing I had to do for my business. Which I did.
Took the bus to my next destination. I had to be seated next to a lady with a sleeping toddler in her arms. She didn't budge and I had to take the seat next to the window, in the process, I had to be careful that my huge bag wouldn't hit her or her child. The bus conductor came and charged me for my fare. The lady then turned to me and asked me where she could get off and how could she go to the Heart Center. She then recounted that her daughter had a hole in her heart and she had to take her to the doctor. When we got off at the same stop, I helped her cross the street and shaded her and her toddler with my umbrella as we waited for her bus. It came and she got on. I don't remember hearing her thank me or perhaps she was in a hurry, the wind muffled her voice.
That same day, I ate lunch at a fast-food joint. Looking out the glass, there was a man who looked like he needed a wash but couldn't. He worked in the parking lot, eking out an existence from the coins given to him. I had to look away while I ate and indulged on the coffee float. When I got out, I gave him my half-emptied drink and he was shocked when I asked him if it was ok that I gave it to him. He couldn't say anything, but took the drink from my hand. I boarded the oncoming bus and from the window, saw his back turned away.
It didn't matter anymore that the people I've helped couldn't thank me back. I helped them without asking for anything in return anyway--it felt good though. It dawned on me, that whatever crap I went through the past year from people I never thought would hurt me, or those whom I've given another chance to redeem themselves but still screwed up and hurt me more--these people and circumstances don't mean anything anymore. Let the universe deal with them.
There's more to living than hurting others or wanting revenge. Despite everything I went through, I'm still grateful that I'm given the chance to make a difference in other people's lives, no matter how small. Giving up and wanting to die certainly would cause even more pain and hopefully my wounded self would heal and I'd be able to feel again.
And even if I didn't get thanked, the universe rewarded me that day. I was given a spot as a radio commentator, assigned to be the Executive Producer of the car show I've been dying to launch for ages and I'll be going out twice a week to cover events for the business show.
It doesn't end there.
One of the nicest gifts I got during my dad's birthday was a hug from our company's corporate secretary and her telling me: "Please don't leave us. There's no one else we could trust."
I cried hard and hugged her tight. From someone who's been hurt and abandoned many times in various forms by different people, it felt good to be wanted. To be considered as family. To be valued. To be asked to stay.
Thank you, universe.
And the pendulum swings.
The beginning of the new year had catapulted me to doubt whether I should leave my job--it was if my officemates were heeding a migratory call to evacuate the building. That morning seemed like another morning when I decided to just frack it and fix whatever bureaucratic filing I had to do for my business. Which I did.
Took the bus to my next destination. I had to be seated next to a lady with a sleeping toddler in her arms. She didn't budge and I had to take the seat next to the window, in the process, I had to be careful that my huge bag wouldn't hit her or her child. The bus conductor came and charged me for my fare. The lady then turned to me and asked me where she could get off and how could she go to the Heart Center. She then recounted that her daughter had a hole in her heart and she had to take her to the doctor. When we got off at the same stop, I helped her cross the street and shaded her and her toddler with my umbrella as we waited for her bus. It came and she got on. I don't remember hearing her thank me or perhaps she was in a hurry, the wind muffled her voice.
That same day, I ate lunch at a fast-food joint. Looking out the glass, there was a man who looked like he needed a wash but couldn't. He worked in the parking lot, eking out an existence from the coins given to him. I had to look away while I ate and indulged on the coffee float. When I got out, I gave him my half-emptied drink and he was shocked when I asked him if it was ok that I gave it to him. He couldn't say anything, but took the drink from my hand. I boarded the oncoming bus and from the window, saw his back turned away.
It didn't matter anymore that the people I've helped couldn't thank me back. I helped them without asking for anything in return anyway--it felt good though. It dawned on me, that whatever crap I went through the past year from people I never thought would hurt me, or those whom I've given another chance to redeem themselves but still screwed up and hurt me more--these people and circumstances don't mean anything anymore. Let the universe deal with them.
There's more to living than hurting others or wanting revenge. Despite everything I went through, I'm still grateful that I'm given the chance to make a difference in other people's lives, no matter how small. Giving up and wanting to die certainly would cause even more pain and hopefully my wounded self would heal and I'd be able to feel again.
And even if I didn't get thanked, the universe rewarded me that day. I was given a spot as a radio commentator, assigned to be the Executive Producer of the car show I've been dying to launch for ages and I'll be going out twice a week to cover events for the business show.
It doesn't end there.
One of the nicest gifts I got during my dad's birthday was a hug from our company's corporate secretary and her telling me: "Please don't leave us. There's no one else we could trust."
I cried hard and hugged her tight. From someone who's been hurt and abandoned many times in various forms by different people, it felt good to be wanted. To be considered as family. To be valued. To be asked to stay.
Thank you, universe.
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