Love Language

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This video made me remember what my dad told me before: "It's not "I love you because..." but "I love you despite..."

Lately, the pain of loss has been too much to bear. It doesn't mean that when I choose to be silent, I'm just being indifferent or I'm exacting revenge for whatever suffering I endured from whoever has hurt me the most. No. It just means that I'm scared and the fear is eating me up alive.

The unfathomable fear of being hurt again by false promises, by scathing words I don't deserve; I fear being treated unfairly or being cheated on, even when I have never done anything wrong, even when I stayed faithful and my love remained constant. I fear being abandoned again, that I would be rejected once more because of who I am, that my scars would open into newer, deeper wounds. I fear that even if I speak or write, my words will fall on deaf ears. My heart trampled on repeatedly. My memory erased.

And yet, I still hope that someone would be brave enough to reach out and try over and over to save me--even when I have abandoned all hope, even when I fall silent...To tell me that there's no reason to be afraid anymore and that everything will be ok.